As a mom of 6 little kids and a business owner, time management is basically a necessary survival strategy! Without it I perish! OK, that’s a little dramatic but I definitely have had to increase my ability to manage my time as my family size, and business have grown. I wouldn’t call myself a master at time-management, but let’s just say I am an expert at failing at it!
And that is the spirit of today’s post. Self-care and putting my own needs higher on the priority list has been on my mind a lot lately, especially after the birth of my sixth child. When my family size was smaller, and my business was younger (and maybe because I was younger!) it was easier in a way to not make myself a priority. I would kinda just tell myself to hustle harder, pull more all nighters, juggle more, and work myself to the bone until I would crash. It wasn’t pretty, and I sort of just told myself that it was the cost of doing business and being an entrepreneur.
Today, in my 30’s, with 6 little kids, with distinct personalities and individual needs, and a more mature business, I find that this strategy simply does not work anymore. I don’t like working myself to the point of exhaustion. I don’t like not being able to see my family for extended periods because I am running around doing a million things. It’s not that I am adverse to hard work- I simply want to work hard in a way that won’t leave me feeling pulled in multiple directions and completely burnt out at the end of it.
Here are a few strategies that have been working for me lately- I would love to know what works for you!
1. Schedule self-care like a recurring appointment
It’s as simple as the title suggests. Literally, create a block of time in your calendar, click the button that makes it a recurring appointment, and actually honour it in the same way you would honour a coffee date with a friend, a dental appointment, or other commitment that might require you to leave the kids at home.
Think of it like regular maintenance on your car, or regular check ups at the doctor- if we don’t take care of ourselves, we cannot take care of the people who matter most.
If you’re a stay-at-home mom with a bunch of kids at home and you have no idea how you would make this work, I am confident you can find a way! I share some strategies here.
2. Make it simple
Self-care does not need to be elaborate or epic by any means. It could literally look like a nap, a quiet cup of coffee alone, or a manicure. I would suggest being really strategic with the time. In my current season of life, I have very short windows where I can truly just be a alone and relax- but boy do I ever make the most of those times of relaxation. Just keep your options simple and manageable, and don’t compare your self-care to what other people are doing! Which brings me to…
3. Stop comparing
Comparison is the thief of joy. And what does this have to do with self-care? I believe 100% self-care starts in our heads. I still struggle with comparing myself to others, but in the past I REALLY REALLY struggled. There was a time in my life where I was honestly so paralyzed at times because I was so worried about what people would think. And I would allow this negative self-talk in my head to stop me from doing things I really loved. So stop comparing yourself, and just start living your own beautiful life.
I’m trying something new on my YouTube channel and would love to know what you think- press play below for more on this topic and I would love for you to leave me a comment! How do you practice self-care?
As I have mentioned previously I'm being brave and being a bit more personal on my blog. Still lots of good interior design stuff (like here, here and here) but for today's post, I'm talking about the job of being wife and mom.
Last weekend, my husband had a work conference in Montreal- so the kids and I decided to tag along for the ride. Smoked meat and poutine, cuddles in big comfy hotel beds and quality time after working like a maniac- so needed! I am so thankful for the weekend we had. I am most thankful for the time to recalibrate and be reminded of what my most important job is.
I put in a lot of time developing myself professionally. Recently I was in Colorado for Platform, yearly I invest in business coaching of some kind, and I am pretty obsessed with reading and gathering info on social media strategies, good business practices and becoming a better interior designer and communicator in general.
But how much time do I invest in being a good wife and a good mother? The honest answer is not very much. So in Montreal I brainstormed a few concrete ways I could invest in being a better wife and mom. Here they are in no particular order:
1. Do more the night before. This has proved to be pretty awesome for our morning routine, and therefore all of our moods heading out the door for school. And for those of you in Toronto or anywhere north of the equator it seems, you know how much more effort it was this week with snowpants, boots, mitts, hats, etc. etc. etc. So I am disciplining myself to attempt to lay things out the night before. School bags with letters / forms already filled in get laid out by the door, and lunches mostly packed saved for the things that are perishable and are pre wrapped in bags in the fridge. I have to work on getting them to lay out their clothes the night before- hoping to instill that habit in them (and myself!) too.
2. Turn my phone off for uninterrupted, aimless time. Or at least put it away out of reach. I think I need to make a "sacred time", where the phone is away. In this time I want to invest in just being present and aimless. Ask my kids questions, be present to my husband in conversation, be available in an undistracted manner. I need to work on this.
3. Be more grateful, and verbalize my gratitude. This one is simple. I need to be more grateful for my spouse and my kids and let them know that. If I had a jar and I had to put a dollar in for the number of times I got irritated in a day with everyone, vs. the times I spoke grateful words to them it would be pretty sad to see how full that jar would be.
4. Be more romantic. As a mom of small kids, romantic gestures of any kind are admittedly quite neglected at the end of a day full of demands. The relationship I have with my spouse supports the rest of the relationships in our house, and establishes a culture of care and kindness. My kids learn about love by watching the way I relate with Josh. I best treat him with some fondness ; )
In the fast pace of our life with 4 kids and busy work schedules, there are days that we feel like we barely survive. But there are also days that we thrive. I want more of the latter, and experience has shown me that if I put into practice some of the goals I set out above, like being more organized and more attentive and less distracted, we really do feel great. At mass last Sunday at the gorgeous and historic St. Patrick's in Montreal, this was read in the first reading: "Her children stand up and proclaim her blessed, her husband, too, sings her praises" (Proverbs 31:28). I hope to live up to this both for my own personal standard and for them.
How do you invest in your job as parents and spouse? Love to know your best practices in the comments below.
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